I don't know where or how to begin this post...I've been dreading it and avoiding it all along. Sometimes I still forget it's real. I Hate that.
Dave told me the evening of October 18th that he didn't want to be Married anymore.
It was completely unexpected by me.
He didn't move out right away and I didn't tell anyone anything for over 5 weeks-
All the while I felt I had died inside.
I have spent the past several months in a blur.
Our Divorce was finalized Jan 3, 2013.
He didn't want anything- except to be done with everything.
The thirtieth of this month would have been our 11th wedding anniversary.
We have four wonderful children for whom I am daily grateful.
Thanks to all our many family and friends for your love and support through this difficult time-
We couldn't have made it without you.
I haven't blogged much because it has all been such a whirlwind. I was telling a neighbor today that in my mind it's still November. As the dust begins to settle it feels like I've been robbed of nearly half a year. I feel as though the fog that has been clouding my mind is slowly beginning to lift. The pain has gone from excruciating to ever present- yet tolerable. I am beginning to smile again. I am beginning to eat/sleep again. I am grateful for my knowledge of the Savior and his atonement. I am so in His Debt. He held me and consoled me those first horrible weeks. He's made it possible for this cloud of hurt and darkness to begin to break up. I've received to a new more intimate relationship with my savior then ever before. I have renewed faith in the future. I have faith in myself. I have faith in my babies- for whom my heart breaks again and again. I have faith the atonement has the power to heal their hearts. I believe there is a plan. I'm thankful for this knowledge every hour of every day. I pray for those around me. I hurt for those in pain. I feel more empathy for the suffering. I never have felt this depth of sorrow. I never before had known this level of heart break. My soul has ached for comfort. My mind has begged for relief. My Body has revolted- daily tasks became immense chores. Eating was a burden. I ached for sleep but it would not come. I was blessed by those around me. Miracles abounded. Every time I thought things wouldn't add up or I had nothing left to give I was blessed with renewed strength in the form of service by my fellow men. When I couldn't carry on- my will was at its end, The Lord would send a friend to take the kids or deliver a meal,family to lend an ear. Hope was brought to the hopeless. I never went without. I was never left alone. I was blessed never to feel bitter- never to dwell in anger. Never to unduly experience fear. Our needs were met. Our thoughts and prayers were and still are being heard. I am grateful for a testimony of the truth- of the love our Father has for us. I'm thankful for His plan. I Love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and am so very humbled to have the peace and comfort it gives me and the strength it lends to my babies as they learn such hard life lessons so early.
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3 comments:
So sorry that you have to suffer that loss. Glad you have close friends, family, and the savior to help you through.
So sorry that you have to suffer that loss. Grateful you have close friend, family and the savior to help you through.
You are such an amazing woman. The Lord knows what you can handle and he knows that you will take it, and those trials that you face only serve to make you stronger. You are a chosen and blessed daughter of our Heavenly Father. I feel honored and privileged to have such a wonderful sister in my life that I can look up to when times get hard. God bless you and your spirit and beautiful testimony.
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