NOW...

Years ago in seminary I remember a lesson about priorities. I don't recall the particular details but I do remember the punch line 'don't give up what you want most for what you want RIGHT now'. I've been contemplating this recently as I enter this new phase of my life. I don't want to ' 'settle' (so to speak) ever.

As a strange and exceptionally new and untested tangent I have been asked out on a few dates recently:( while this is terrifying and flattering all in the same moment My mind keeps returning again and again to that seminary lesson theme. It is a very terrible/wonderful conflicting emotion all wrapped up into one fleeting experience. On the one hand YES it feels good and is fun to have someone that is perhaps interested in me for me and makes me feel good about me. And YES I often feel lonely and IT IS fun to think that the great void in my soul could once again be filled with companionship- even for an evening. BUT here's the tricky part- I do not at this time feel that I have had sufficient time to heal the heartache I still suffer.:( I worry SHOULD i meet someone and become even marginally involved my judgement may not be as fine tuned as necessary to accurately secure the requisite blessings and longings my eternal soul could demand. (When you're starving any food tastes great) how do I set out to temper myself to withstand the longings of mortality such to be prepared to receive the ultimate blessings of eternity? I don't just want 'FOOD'-I want the best gourmet offering The Lord has prepared. I know it's there and I believe it's something I can be entitled to if I am willing to work on myself first so that i am the best me that i can be coupled with a faithful and patient heart. The Lord knows our needs. He knows the innermost desires of our hearts. This I do not doubt. The trick is in the patience. Waiting is not something most are good at, myself included- particularly lately it seems. Alas, good things come to those who wait. Hence, In accordance with brother Carter's lesson i shall always remember not to give up what I want most for that which I want right now-no matter the cost. I am resolved to not allow myself to be hasty when so much is at stake. I shall not settle. I shall stand firm and achieve that which has been promised- albeit in this life or the next.